Good-bye, Red Fish!

Young children use play not only to discover and explore the world around them, but to help to understand the world that they inhabit.  That is why some games may vary by area and time, but some remain constant.  Children always play house and taking care of baby.  Children also play puppy.  This is also why children also play death.  In all the years that I have been working with young children, the game has never varied.  A child is lying still on the ground, and the cry goes up - "She's dead!".  Immediately the other children spring into action.  They seize whatever medical tools are handy (blocks, tinker toys, pancake turners, etc.) and go to work on the dead person.  In a minute or two it happens - she is alive.  After much rejoicing, the child dies again and is revived again.  Death is a difficult concept for many adults to wrap their head around, and it is especially confusing for young children who believe that Santa is real and tomorrow happens after nap.  The whole concept of what happens and how and where the person went is very confusing.  My neighbor told me that for several months after her husband died, one of the grandchildren brought a picture in a frame to her and asked her to, "Let Poppa out".  I was actually glad that my cat, Wilbur, died before my father did so that my daughter, who was five at the time, had some basis for understanding what had happened to Grandpa.

As a teacher of young children, I have held my share of guinea pig funerals.  Occasionally a child has had an experience with a family funeral will help to direct the event.  One time when we were going to the playground with a shovel and a guinea pig wrapped in a receiving blanket (liberated from the baby room) in a shoe box, the children stopped to show Fluffy to the office workers along the corridor.  That must have been viewing hours.

Several days ago the three year old's red fish died.  To help the children with the process, the teacher held a funeral.  Since the weather was not cooperating, the teacher relied on a traditional burial at sea for Red Fish.  The children gathered around the toilet and each one said good-bye to the fish.  Since music is traditional at a funeral, the children chose to sing a favorite song - "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".  When the funeral was over, Thomas said to his teachers, "I bet God is going to say,'Hey, where did that fish come from?' ". 

Funny story?  Yes, we laughed and laughed.  I wish I could have been there for the funeral. Yet, more than just a cute story, it is an important for the step for the children to take in gaining understanding and mastery of their world.  The teacher could have waited and snuck the fish out of the bowl when the children were at lunch to avoid the subject.  Instead, she chose to do what teachers do - seize the opportunity to help the children.  Good for her!